Retarded tour of the web complete with retarded commentary.

Eliot Spitzer’s trip to the train station started off innocently enough, but wound up costing him his career.

Cheaper to buy the whole thing than get the parts (organs for transplant) same thing as with cars.

Sure Detroit boasts a 21.7% high school graduation rate but I’m not going to call them retarded, or drive down the streets at night without an up-armored Humvee.

Recent across the board budget cutbacks have forced the city’s SWAT team to scale back a little.

Sadly, Sea World is facing it’s own budget problems.

Palestinian military uniforms are basically the same as civilians with the exception of the ninja dish towels.

For some reason I keep driving through this tunnel over and over, too bad it only lasts for about 30 seconds – but I drive too fast.

After seeing the sequel to Borat that nude scene with the old bearded guy makes a lot more sense.

Stupid cool guys throw out perfectly good looking chicks, there should be a recycling program for nerds like me.

1,2, 3 – you have water borne hepatitis.

Zombie holiday dinner.

Sort of like Lady and the Tramp, only hotter and with two of them.

In no hurry to die, but still faster than smoking or eating at fast food restaurants everyday like me.

Sharon Stone is really looking bad (from the latest Basic Instinct movie, Basic Instinct 3 – Out of retirement, filming on location in Florida’s Shady Acres.

Sadly she couldn’t focus the camera, none of the pictures came out and she wound up breaking the camera – but I she was my favorite photographer of all time. The wife was a little upset about not having any wedding pictures, but we have a whole marriage lifetime to get over that.

Sure this guy got a high score on Grand Tourismo but in the video game you can bump into a wall at 120 miles per hour and it just makes a grinding sound – in real life you just ruined a multi million dollar race car. To be more realistic the game should just erase itself after a certain number of accidents or something for greater realism.

The new Titanic movie with Jack and Rosario had better show tunes on the sound track, but the special effects were a big step down.

This whole anorexic model thing is getting out of control, but on the plus side

My attempt to break the tension with a moment of levity was unappreciated and sadly ended my career as a midwife.

Those bikini bottoms are camouflaged but sadly still all too visible.

We should all take a moment to appreciate what we have, and thank God we aren’t answering customer service calls for Dell.

My new sign was not appreciated at work, but it made me laugh every time.

Does this cookie make me look fat?

Sure trying to squeeze a few hundred dollar bills into the budget every month is hard, but I’m supporting single mothers – and what is more important than that I ask you?