Retarded tour of the web complete with retarded commentary.

Those hot dog buns look fake.

This is the year I cut my comb-over mullet.

Being a high school freshman was probably the worst three years of my life.

I am so getting another pair of these.

The Chinese may have captured the gold but these two scamps will make more making movies for Vivid over the next five years.

Angry Australians have brought these peaceful little creatures to the brink of extinction.

Peaceful unicorn of the sea my ass – those narwhals are blood thirsty killers.

I don’t care how often Jason Timberlake tries to tempt the inner carnivore in me I am not going to eat him (again).

Bring on the chicks! Or in this case the underage girls raped by UN Peacekeepers that the press spends no time complaining about while attacking our own troops.

Funny that bikini was all red when she bought it.

Rogue came back from the dead without any major health issues except for this one sort of embarrassing little bodily function she lost control over.

My camera is happy to see you.

The only photographed protester of the entire 2008 Beijing Olympics.

Asian gangster syndrome can is a clinically proven side effect of repeated exposure to rap music.

The conversation was going great with these two until I bragged about my train set in the basement of my mom’s house next to my soundproof ‘kidnapping box’.

The roads haven’t been quite as safe since trucks from Mexico were allowed to drive on them after NAFTA.

I am so prepared for a head-crab infestation.

After an accident in India they wrap your body in a towel and forklift the wreck off the road in under two minutes. On an unrelated note if you are injured in a car accident in India remember to make noise if you are incapacitated.

With a meal at McDonalds costing a weeks wage people don’t just ‘waste’ a regular serving of french fries that fell down a street drain.

Not to brag but I have lost four pounds this week.

Superman just hasn’t been the same since he got married.

Starbucks in a desperate effort to raise revenues has test marketed new controversial uniforms for female employees to bring in more male customers.