Retarded tour of the web complete with retarded commentary.

After decades of public turmoil with Prince Charles, Diana and the lot of them Queen Elizabeth decided to bypass two generations of the Royal Family altogether and skip ahead to her little known five-year-old great-granddaughter Queen Beatrice the first.

I wouldn’t want Amy Winehouse sit on my car seat without on of those protective plastic car seat condoms on them.

After this weekend’s halloween costume parade I have been legally barred from every baby sitting my niece.

None of my friends will ever go with me on a roller coaster again after last summer’s ‘incident’ on the Goliath.

My new toaster.

Last summer I worked construction for nearly three weeks until this slight misunderstanding.

My new car is Nintendo powered.

MTV has introduced a new Latin version of it’s popular ‘Pimp-My-Ride’ show attempting to get a foothold in the emerging Hispanic market.

At work we got to go home early on Friday after running out of meet.

Carrie Fisher’s career has been in a tailspin and with alcohol & mental problems she recently appeared in this low budget adult film.

Retard Empire is test marketing it’s latest time-saving innovation the drive-and-dump chair which allows commuters to multi-task their way home.

My very first flight simulator, although later I fell off the coffee table and broke an arm - I’m scared of flying to this day.

My last day at of work for the Texas Highway Department was probably my the most fun I ever had at that lame job.

I am including this graphic for tracking my new diet.

Holland’s decades of legal drug use have had serious mental health consequences.

Even chicks stare where they aren’t supposed to. EYES!

Long months without leave, and a shrinking percentage of females have combined to very confused recruits in the Chinese military.

The burrito blast is now an illegal move after this year’s olympics.

invisible.

visible.

Sure there’s no music coming out of those girl’s ear muffs but who are we to judge?

At Retard Empire headquarters we installed a jacuzzi over the weekend.

Note to self stay off my grandpa’s myspace page.