Today’s retard tour of the web full of sophomoric commentary

Megan Fox has sworn off public appearances after an overly enthusiastic greeting by several hundred sexually repressed teenagers at a recent comic book convention.

Sadly American dentists jut aren’t competitive with their new Chinese competitors.

With my internet connection down I had to make do without a functional webcam.

Saudi women were on alert in the event America had elected a women president, thankfully they would rather have a black man driving the country.

My new apartment has little in the way of creature comforts but allows me to focus more on what’s really important in life.

Street vendors in India have seen a huge drop in income ever since touch new laws protecting wild animals were enacted.

The White House gardeners have a pointed and some would say racist sense of humor.

Ahh she’s smiling at me.

Facing a huge jump in taxes and a slumping economy I have decided to stay at home and wait for my change.

Police are considering filing charges against Abe Whitney after his girlfriend broke her neck shortly after this picture was taken (Be forewarned: drilling two inch screws into the drywall is insufficient support for a stripper pole).

I am ready and I have my 401K cash withdrawn and ready to finance this undertaking.

Disco rocks.

Covering up America’s aging infrastructure one pylon and pothole at a time.

The fruitmobile.

Computer porn is disgusting.

Sakura Fukazumi has a 1.57 ERA proving there are some gay baseball players in Japan.

I have made the switch to non-alcoholic vodka and have been sober pretty much all of the last two days.

I am pretty sure those are both male gummy bears.

My niece really seemed to enjoy her costume for Halloween, although my sister is not returning my phone calls.

Doctors are lying bastards, they told me most viruses were caused by not washing with hot water and it didn’t help one bit.