Today’s retard tour of the web in pictures with retarded commentaryisms.

My mom finally mowed the lawn after I put it off for three weeks.

My uncle Roger has been spending way too much time alone with his cows.

This was the last picture I was able to take at this New Years Eve company party before being kicked out, but it was worth it.

Sure my girlfriend has nice hair but she never lets me pitch if you know what I mean.

My eating habits started off bad and went downhill from there.

Fat chicks are practical.

I think the unibrow actually distracts from the rest of this train wreck.

What can brown do for you?

For some reason my girlfriend is spending all of her free time with her two best friends.

I need a six letter word for retard to finish this building.

Sadly 78 year old Betty Gertrude’s world tour came to an abrupt end in the tiny village in remote New Guinea known for cannibalism.

I don’t know what you losers did this weekend, but mine rocked.

I even scored some free birth control.

Wow the giant blue snake is inflating.

This year’s running of the bulls mamed three and ruined the lives of countless men.

Gisele Bundchen has put on 40 pounds since Tom Brady’s knee injury has made it impossible for him to properly service her.

I forgot what was I doing?

My goal this year is to get a million dollars so I can afford two of these.

My secret to baby sitting is to give each kid a beer it’s easier than cooking them a real meal, they sleep more and are easier to catch if they try to run away.

I got the NFL pick your camera service, and have no clue who won any of the games this weekend – and don’t care.